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Saturday, October 24th, 2009
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7:10 pm
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And as for Halloween, you bet your damn bippy that I'll be treating in Alameda. Free sugary sweets? Hello!??! Just another day to strut, with bonus reward.
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6:13 pm
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Watching the sun set over your million dollar view while sipping wine and gorging on your favorite chocolates hasn't gotten old, yet.
I often daydream of all the things I plan on doing, being upscale and far above everything else I've ever been or done in my life. And it will be easy as it will be hard, but always worth it. I feel so untouchable and grand, and yet so different from who I used to be that I often have a hard time imagining myself, yet I have the perfect idea.
I'm smarter and more beautiful than I've ever been all my life and just need utilize and apply at my will. Precious time with my father is spent accordingly first, however, at least five days a week I visit him because family love is, above all else, most valuable and I'd never be stupid enough not to treat it as such. I owe it to both he and myself to be the great daughter he deserves, and I enjoy being so.
Other than family and lover, there are few to none I ever speak to, and even fewer I ever see. I just don't have the time, nor do I wish to make it. I've learned that my time is precious and I therefore try my best to spend it accordingly, accessing my values and pleasures, determining future and present decisions that will change my life, and living each day with a new appreciation.
I'm making my way through this beautiful thing called life, and nothing, not even other people at this point, can or will ever stop me. I've made sure of that. I bleed, all the same, nearly every day, for reasons no one will ever know and I plan on keeping it that way.
If I'm a secret, I'm going to be my secret, and a grand one at that.
current mood:  content
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| Sunday, September 27th, 2009
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10:14 am - I'm alive
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and in Oakland with Richard. In a castle a little past the Coliseum. Be jealous. All I've done is move, gone to the Monterey Bay Aquarium, Carmel, Casa Nova (my new favorite restaurant in Carmel), the clinic a thousand times and counting, the beach numerous times, Trader Joes and discovered my late night chocolate craving/addiction. I've found a good level of peace within myself. I'm healing, taking it day by day. Nothing really bothers me too much, nothing really can. I'm happy with where things are and with how things have changed very, very much. Cutie is happy in this castle, also.
I couldn't ask for more.
I forgot to mention seeing The Wicked musical nearly front row.
current mood: even better
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| Saturday, June 20th, 2009
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5:14 pm
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Something after being in the ER all night.
Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
-Ludwig
current mood: very good
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| Sunday, December 7th, 2008
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8:20 pm
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We all sound the same
You don't know my name
Rearrange and
Things don't change
Things remain
Feel the strain
Stress
Catch my breath
(There'll be a new tale of)
Get some rest
(He and I)
From the mess
(In fact any time)
I couldn't care less
(Every day)
Sugar cane
(Write fictional stories)
Is like smack to my vein
Shook fame
(If you want to)
But I don't complain
(On the street)
current mood: destroyed.
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| Thursday, September 18th, 2008
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8:15 am
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aphotick's journal